I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
