May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She bit a glass in half.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
