i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
