just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
