i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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