in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
