pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
