You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
