literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
