But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
