My hand turned me down
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
