I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just want nice things and good sex
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
