oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
