Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
