Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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