Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
