They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
