I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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