just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
our cab driver is having phone sex.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
