Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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