Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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