the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
