They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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