she was so not down for the gang bang
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
