One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
