you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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