I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
