If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
