Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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