Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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