i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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