It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
