I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
