we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
two words: eviction party
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
