brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
