come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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