The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
