obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
