Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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