I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
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I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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