I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
