Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
