I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
