Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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