I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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