Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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