Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
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Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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