Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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