dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
