So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
