so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
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His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
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I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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