I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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