also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
