he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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