remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
