Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My vagina is officially offended.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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