At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
