Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
