Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
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Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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