Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
