I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
