Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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