the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
