Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
