Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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