and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
How's work?
Spinning.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
