my mouth tastes like poor choices
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
