he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
